First Day at Work in 2013

First day at work in 2013, got here by 8AM but didn’t feel like doing anything. Wrapping up deals and getting myself ready for my next chapter.

Had another discussion with him through whatsapp, same old stuff and same old conclusion. I don’t get it, I want this relationship and I can’t let go but then he wants it too and doesn’t want it; he didn’t want this but he couldn’t let go. Every one of us has two little guys fighting inside, one said, no, you can’t do this; the other said, yes you can do it. Who’s gonna win?

We can overcome our little guys inside, no need for other people to make decisions for you, no need for mama to step in or friends or psychologist, we know what we want and we should be brave enough to follow our heart.

My “yes” guy beat my “no” guy and i want to be with you, i’m not afraid of the past or anything. If you want to be with me, there’s nothing that can hold you back either. Be brave, we can do it.

Lol, I’ve never written anything this explicit about relationships in my blog, guess here has become my little detox. Haven’t been eating much and lost weight, my colleague Dan said, “you only had 10 pounds before and you lost 6? Now you only have 4 pound left!” Though it’s not the physical part that I’m concerned about, it’s the mental problem I’m worried about. Constantly in a low mood and sometimes got high like on a rollercoaster, you never know where it’s going or how scary it’s gonna be. I got nervous, diarrhea, eating disorder, I look terrible. I’ve asked for hypnosis, fortune teller, friends’s advice etc. I am just obsessed and mentally sick. The Princess has been bewitched, where is my Savior? Or is it only me who can save myself?

Super cold out today. Take care.

14:26
Closed a small deal as of just now, congrats to me. And btw, you look tired in the pic you just sent over. Going to get an eye exam now…

16:20
纪录一下,从15年前的一只远视一只近视到从10年前的近视100度和300度,到今天的300度和425度,我仍然不戴眼睛的生活在这个模糊的世界里。看清楚了的世界反而让我感到害怕。

22:29
刀子嘴,豆腐心。狠心到最后还是行动上的矮子。晕到最后还是自己。也好,希望起码睡个不会半夜醒的觉。圈儿,你真是个白痴。

送一首歌:
还记得年少时的梦吗,象朵永远不凋零的花
陪我经过那风吹雨打,看世事无常,看沧桑变化
那些为爱所付出的代价,是永远都难忘的啊
所有真心的痴心的话,永在我心中,虽然已没有她
走吧,走吧,人总要学着自己长大
走吧,走吧,人生难免经历苦痛挣扎
走吧,走吧,为自己的心找一个家
也曾伤心流泪,也曾黯然心碎,这是爱的代价
也许我偶尔还是会想他,偶尔难免会惦记着他
就当他是个老朋友啊,也让我心疼,也让我牵挂
只是我心中不再有火花,让往事都随风去吧
所有真心的痴心的话,都在我心中,虽然已没有他

About tangtoni

Cute Toni
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4 Responses to First Day at Work in 2013

  1. 双生马 says:

    Poor girl.
    Why not write him an email, saying nothing but only a link to this post.
    Or you may need someone else to send such an email for you.

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